The Not So Physical Edition

Perhaps it is because I have a blog that I sometimes use as a diary, or because I word vomit all over twitter after midnight, or people are just generally nosy bastards and we now live in a society where everyone is unfiltered because of social networking.

Who knows?

But throw in some holiday cheer and everyone and their mother around this place getting knocked up and guess what? My personal business seems to be on everyones mind these days. Unsure of what I'm talking about? Of course you are! Out here in blogland you are prefect! You wouldn't dare ask such personal questions. But if you were someone who (barely) knew me face to face and happened to catch me at a moment of free time you would likely wonder out loud if tonight is the night that I come home to this:

Source

Come to think of it that would really piss me off because my name is most certainly not Keli. Also I would probably get a phone call giving me a heads up before I actually saw it and that would be pretty awkward. 

Ok so maybe no one is expecting a big sign on my lawn (hopefully not) but people are freaking out over the idea of The Beef & I getting engaged and tying the knot. It's easy to see why, we're vomit inducing adorable together.

If that wasn't enough for you I can totally back this up with comments left on my xmas facebook pictures:

Anyway, we live together so "apparently" the natural progression of things is logical. I'm not here to argue if that is the case or not, there are too many factors to consider and I haven't had enough sleep but I will say this:

It's none of you flippin' business! 

If I tried to talk to you about the state of your reproductive organs or whether or not you've had a bowel movement today in front of a group of people who we both may or may not know you'd be less than pleased with me because these are very personal matters. 

Well guess what, so is the state of my relationship. 

I have a feeling that my readership demographic can actually relate to this strife pretty well so instead of just complaining about it, I'd like to offer up some helpful tips for dealing with it.

When faced with the "When are you getting/Why aren't you engaged yet?" try these responses:

When the divorce is final.

When my tracking anklet is removed.

When the sex change operation is completed.

When pigs fly.

When the 9th star wars movie comes out.

When all the tests come back clean.

When no one is looking.

As soon as we grow up.

When people stop asking.

When your hairline stops receding. 

Before I start to show. *rub belly*

After the baby is born.

After my parole hearing.

When I find suitable sister wives.

When he comes back from space camp.

When I master the art of vacuuming.

September 31st. 

When the subliminal messages take hold.

When I'm done brainwashing him.

After the comet passes.

When Edward Cullen stops sneaking into my bedroom.

After he cuts down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring.

When I get my inheritance. *maniacal laugher*

If those don't get the "it's none of your business" point across just kill them and eat them. 

Do you/have you had to deal with this? Do you have anymore comeback suggestions?

There's a man in the kitchen!

On the fifth day of Christmas I gave the Beef:

Awesome Metallica magnets. 

So on the 6th day of Christmas he gave me....

When I saw this I was really confused, it's just a recipe on an index card. For a moment I thought his present to me was that I had to make him treats. Treasured childhood recipe or not I don't think I would have been ok with that. 

It actually turned out to be a wonderful evening where he did dishes and then baked the recipe himself and let me take pictures so I could blog about it! 

So here we go, The Beef's Mom's Magic Cookie Bar Recipe!

1/2 cup Butter

1 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs

1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk

1 16oz bag chocolate chips

1 cup chopped walnuts

1/1/3 cup shredded coconut 

9x13 baking dish

Preheat oven to 350.

Melt butter in baking dish.

Spread Graham cracker crumbs evenly over butter.

And if you're like the beef and also have a crooked counter prop hot plates under the baking dish so it's completely level to the point of OCD. 

Pour condensed milk over graham crumbs.

Spread chocolate chips evenly over milk.

Spread walnuts evenly over chips.

Spread coconut evenly over walnuts.

"it's like cheese!"

Bake for 30 minutes.

Let cool and enjoy!

A year in review Pt. 1

Inspired by the year in review I've been seeing other bloggers doing I've decided to come forth with one of my own. I think it makes sense and it will certainly fill in the blanks for the time I went M.I.A on this blog. So three months at a time, every Monday for the rest of the year. 

January

A pretty crazy month! 

I got my first New Years Eve kiss from The Beef.

The furnace at my mother's house malfunctioned and the saftey went off bringing the water temp to 210 degrees. Then when I was getting out of the shower the hot water knob broke off the wall and that 210 degree water came shooting out of the wall leaving me with burns on my hand and leg. Thankfully I'm all healed now, but it was a rough couple of weeks.

I passed my CNA certification test even with my hand all bandaged up after I begged and pleaded with them to actually let me take it. 

I took The Beef to see his one of his favorite bands, Megadeth for the 2nd time. I was heartbroken to see him disappointed in their performance the first time around but since the lead singer had just had neck surgery I figured this time would be better. Unfortunately  I was wrong. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. 

February

I think February wins as most fun month of the year. 

It started out with me winning the superbowl. (You read that right)

Then we went on a 7 day cruise with my BFF & her man piece, they even got engaged at sea. 

Then instead of hoping a plane to come home when the boat docked we went to disney for the weekend to meet up with some of my bitches and had a grand old time.

March

An unseasonably warm month this year. We went hiking in many places.

Celebrated St. Patrick's day like champs with friends and a bonfire.

Enjoyed the warm weather by going camping earlier than I've ever gone. 

And I took the The Beef to Old Sturbridge Village because I couldn't believe that he'd never had a class trip there as a kid. (If you're anywhere in the are you NEED to go, it's awesome.)

How did the first quarter of your year pan out?

I can't believe it took this long to share this

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not but I'm kind of a big fan of penguins. Not real penguins, but cartoon penguins, specifically ones with hats on. I know this makes me sound like a crazy person, but whatever, we're all friends here. The nice thing about this weird little obsession of mine is that it almost seems normal at Christmas time and that's really the only time you'll seem indulge. I figured I'd mention this because I'm about to share my inside Christmas decorations with you and I didn't want you to wonder why there were so many penguins. Also keep in mind that this is only about 1/2 of my Christmas decorations as the rest are still in storage because I like having room to walk though my house. 

 Super comfy penguin pillow. Mistletoe conviently hung over the bedroom door. 

Super fun candy cane wreath I made. Fabric square that was last years xmas craft project.

Mr. & Mrs. Claus inherited from my grandparent flaking my bathroom.

Amazing Santa cookie jar. Why is it amazing? Well, my mom had one just like it when I was growing up. Eventually she gave it to me and I just loved it to death. A few years ago I accidentally broke it and no matter how much glue I used there was just no saving it. I was completely crushed, then one day I walked into a thrift store and there it was, just waiting for me to bring it home. My plushy penguin friend that I like to call Topper, who happens to be sporting a very flashy scarf that my BFF Fishy knitted for him.

Here you can see my love for tacky cheese at war with my down home sensibilities. 

 One day I'm going to an Elf on a Shelf terror.

Giant nutcracker and stocking holder b/c I'm still without a fireplace.

Santa collection photo bombed by another elf.

Another fabric square from last year.

Random Christmas items lining the window sill in the kitchen. Most of them nearly as old as me.

OMFG PENGUINS!

 These pot holders are up all year long, I just turn them around to try and hide the Christmas.

2 new additions this year in the form of the door mat and the adorable toilet rugs that I need to alter so they fit completely. The soap dispenser is an old friend you might remember from my old pink bathroom. 

Our little tree that I had to get this year because the one I normally use is just too damn big for the living room. It serves its purpose but I really really miss the gigantic one.

And of course us being full of Christmas spirit cheese.

Do you go nuts decorating inside too? Do you prefer tacky or traditional decorations? 

Sending Christmas Cards!

Every year my Christmas cards are in the mail before December gets here. I try to get them out the day after Thanksgiving. Mostly I do this because every year I have a different address and I want to get a jump on everyone so they can have my new address. This is, if they actually take the time to look at the return address I put on the envelope. Another reason is that for some reason I absolutely love it when people say "You were my first Christmas card this year!". I have no idea why but I get a really big kick out of it. 

Anyway, I neglected my blog last year so you I didn't get to share what our card looked like which is real shame because in my opinion it's kind of cute. We had a Christmas party last December and one of the features was backdrop we created and took pictures of everyone in front of, it came in handy Christmas card purposes and for a while a lot of my Facebook friends all had the same stripped background on their profile pictures which was something you don't see very often. So without further ado this is last years card:

Christmas Hats are awesome.

This year I used pinterest as my inspiration and had a friend come over and take some shots of us.  I'm not sure if you've pick up on this but I'm addicted to all things tacky and cheesy, The Beef included. So this year our card is apparently giving people a toothache. Mission accomplished.

This year was unique in that we had a special edition Christmas card. About 50 of the above cards went out and 10 of the one featured below. I don't normally do this but instead of using the stock card with pictures inserted (as shown above) for this 2nd design I did the entire thing myself and I wasn't sure how the quality of the image would turn out when vistaprint sent it back to me. Now that I know I can trust their website when they say the picture quality is good I may be taking this route more often. 

This is what a Christmas card looks like when The Beef and I collaborate. The Metal Christmas Card featuring fonts from Metallica, Megadeth & Children of Bodom. I had to throw the snowflakes in there to maintain some semblance of holiday cheer because some how the words Merry Christmas weren't enough to counter all of the black.  I'm actually pretty torn over how I feel about the card. Part of me thinks it's awesome and wants to throw up some horns to salute it and the more traditional part of me wants to clutch her pearls.

Now that we have this customizable power under control next years card should be something special.

What about you? Do you do picture cards? Do you do cards at all?

Advent Calendar

I'm at that point in my life where most of my childhood holiday traditions just aren't happening anymore and in their place new ones are forming. It's both incredibly sad and exciting depending on my mood. One new tradition that I feel just might stick around is the advent calendar that The Beef and I are doing this year. 

Growing up I was a big fan of advent calendars because it meant that I got to have a piece of chocolate every day. Usually my parents got the cardboard kind with the little perforated doors that you pretty much had to rip open to the the christmas treat shaped chocolate out of.  They usually looked like this. 

Oh memories...

I thought it was well and good but I always wanted something more permanent, something to go back to year after year. The advent calendar featured in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation comes to mind.

Sigh.....

 I could actually purchase that glorious piece of holiday cheer here for around $1200. Unfortunately, that's not currently in the budget though one day I would absolutely love to have one. 

In the mean time though I've got a more than acceptable substitute that's much more interactive and fun.

Back in July or August my mother and I wandered in to Michaels and much to my horror (excitement) they already had Christmas things out. One such item was an unfinished wooden christmas tree/advent calendar that I just HAD to have. So I snatched up with along with some paint and brought it home with me. I started working on it right away and was teased mercilessly by The Beef and Duddits for doing Christmas projects in the summer. Screw them, I think it looks marvelous.

There are 25 little drawers in the tree, I've painted a number on each to correspond with the days from December 1st all the way to Christmas day. The Beef and I decided to split the drawers. I took the odd numbers and he took the evens so we're each getting a little something fun every other day. 

Here's the booty thus far:

 Day 1: The beef got 10 steel wheat pennies for his coin collection.

Day 2: I got a hippopotamus for Christmas! And a funny little rhyme to go along with it.  

Somebody wants one of these for Christmas. Only of of these things will do.

Not sure if you are that somebody, but I went out and got one of these for you! xoxoxo

Day 3: The Beef got his Theft Prevention lighter decal that I mentioned yesterday. 

Day 4: I was home sick and feeling pretty miserable and the beef kept my mind off of how shitty I was feeling by using apps on his iphone to quiz me about Christmas because I'm such a nut over it. It was gloriously fun. 

What kind of Christmas traditions do you have? Do you do any kind of Christmas countdown?

My Etsy Obsession

I was going to wait until after the holiday's to write this but it's so early in the month that I thought I might try to be a little bit helpful. I know most people aren't done or still haven't started their Christmas shopping today so I thought I would share some of my obsession and tell you about a few of the Etsy shops that have helped to make my gift finding experience awesome. For obvious reasons I can't tell you what exactly I bought from them but I thought just putting this out there might be helpful just the same.

FYI, I'm getting nothing from these shops in return for recommending them. I shopped Etsy like mad this year and have chosen to leave quite a few shops off of this list. 

Stay Gold Media 

I went bananas at this shop last week and took full advantage of their buy 2 get 1 Free offer. Not only did I get adorable prints for other people but I found some great block filigree typography prints on recycled dictionary pages as well as the state of CT shown above to fill the blank space in a super cute way that's been bugging me in our bedroom. 

Sew Special by Lois

This order came super fast and the towel I ordered (not the one pictures above, though I wouldn't mind it for myself) was just as cute as it appeared in the picture. It's going to look just adorable in the recipients kitchen in a few weeks. 

Wild Rose

I would buy out this shop just for how adorably everything is packaged. I was a little nervous ordering something that was glass but it showed up really quick, safe and sound nestled in a little box like the on pictured above. I know a few guys who would benefit greatly from getting gifts at this shop. 

Heffernan's Little Craft Shop

If you want adorable soap that smells like awesome this is the place for you. I was really nervous about the ones I ordered not looking as good as the picture but it turns out that it looked even better and it's probably the stocking stuffer I'm most excited to see opened up this year. 

Pats Design

I think this shop is amazing and has some really creative and beautiful pieces. I had them on my favorites list for months before I could decide what design I wanted to go with. 

Rebel Ink Baby

I already gave this gift so I can post the picture here. I think this is awesome and if your sense of humor is anywhere in line with mine you're going to get one hell of a kick out of this shop. They even do custom text in case nothing happens to tickle your fancy.

Beefcake Craft Arcade

I mentioned this shop in instagram a while back just because of their name which amuses me to no end. The lighter decal above is actually what I purchased much to the delight of The Beef who already received the gift. Lighter theft is a big deal around here and even if this doesn't actually deter it at least it's something to laugh about. Decals aren't the only thing this shop offers though and one of their items can be found on my own pinterest "i want" board (hint hint), it's a super awesome needle point pattern. That's right, I said needle point, go check out out.

hownice

I wish these were the ones that I bought, I might have to make another trip to the shop. Products are available in pin or magnet form. I went with magnets because I'm not sure what to do with pins. I was nervous about the quality at first because the price was low and some times you can never be sure. I'm happy to say that the quality is awesome and I will be purchasing from this shop again in probably the VERY near future.

jessica N designs

Unfortunately, this shops deadline for Christmas shopping was yesterday, but I love what I got so much that I just had to share. So the above image is kind of what I bought, at least it's a picture from the listing that I ordered off of. After a quick convo with Jessica, who is fantastically responsive, back in June (I get an early start) I discovered that I could indeed customize the spoon ornament. The product arrived in a timely manner and was more than I could have hoped for. It's not just all about spoon ornaments though, there's a big variety of awesome at the shop that you would do well to check out. 

I hope that was helpful!

How are you getting along with your shopping?